Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
