I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
