I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
