We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
