No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
