Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize