I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
