i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
