Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
