So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
