stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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