i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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