i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
