She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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