Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
