but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
