Betty ford says i'm here all night
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Drunk is not a location!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize