There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
