i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
