I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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