My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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