Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
