i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
