the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
