I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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