Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
