and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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