So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I need water and some morals
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
