false alarm. still invincible.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
