Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
