dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
