9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
