Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is this like a preordered booty call?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
