Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He passed out mid-signature
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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