I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
