Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize