Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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