I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
