No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
