So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
