Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
