Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
