I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
