Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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