What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
