sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize