Got a toothbrush?
need another drink. this is the easiest way
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My vagina is officially offended.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
