Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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