Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
In America we eat man semen.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
