Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
