Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
