he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
