She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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