What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Slut skills are useful in every country.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
