I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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