im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
