Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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