Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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