Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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