You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Randomize
