Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
