I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
