too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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