i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
