Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just gargled with NyQuil
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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