I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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