Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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