she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
