it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
BRING THE BAGELS
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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