shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think a kid would responsible me up
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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