i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
