and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
