Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
