why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
