i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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