i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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