She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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