and you said cock pushups were impossible
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
