I cannot find my penis.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
