you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
