Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If I die, sorry about rent.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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