In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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