I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
