I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
