Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize