So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
