im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
