Having a random hookup so left but love u
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
