i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize