Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
