It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
