dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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