the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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