How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
