Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
