she looked like the before picture.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize