i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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